Dissapointing news for Elder Van Meeteren

Well i guess I'll be staying here for however long it takes for my visa to be done. I don't think I've ever received any news that has hit me so hard. It just about made me sick the first time the lady at the travel office told me. i think I'm OK now. I was OK with going to New york of something as long as it meant moving on. I didn't expect this to be the case at all. I feel really blindsided. The thing that brought life into me was getting the flight plans. now i guess those were in vain so i don't even know what to do. Nobody has really talked to me yet, but i guess I'll just have to go to class with the new Dutch speakers that came in and follow them around. I hope i can grow from this rather than regress. I wish i knew how i should feel about it. I don't want to stop growing , but i gotta find another way to take this news if i want to become better because the way I'm feeling now is leading nowhere but backwards. Maybe i need to learn that the MTC isn't really the horrible prison I've made it out to be in mind mind. I have to change my few of that if I'm gonna make it another 3 or 4 or how ever many weeks it will take get my visa down. I don't want to be mad or sad about this, but i just don't know what to feel about this. I've hit a hard time that people talk about but usually when people talk about hard times on a mission I never thought it would happen like this. I gotta find something else to be excited about other than leaving. That could only get me about 8 and a half weeks so now i have to find something else to rely on. and i don't know what that is. I've never felt so hopeless before....but i just got back from the temple. its a blessing that i got this news on temple day because that's what has helped me keep going. I read a scripture in there about patience. Alma 33:34... or whatever is the last verse in that chapter... i forget these things sometime. But it just said that we are rewarded for our patience so hopefully if i take this without complaining too much( as if i haven't already) something awesome will happen when i get to Suriname. I'll be really grateful for the Elder that showed me that scripture in the temple today for a very long time. I wish that i could be in Suriname now. I wasn't afraid to go to a foreign speaking place or anything but my biggest fear came to life. I think that is was my mission will be all about. My hope is that something else will happen while i here to make me better. All I know is that is isn't my fault and it's completely out of my hands so i can only try to learn.Don't worry I'll survive this . I love you all very much and i realize it more everyday. Please pray for me. I don't think i can do this without your prayers love,Hayden